theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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