Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
