It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
