Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
