Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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