1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize