and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
