Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
