I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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