We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
