I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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