You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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