Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There's even glitter on my cock...
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