According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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