I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
