I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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