I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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