I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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