"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
