I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
