its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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