The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
