Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
