i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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