kristin has been a bad kristin
she woke up with a sticky ear
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
