You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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