You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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