So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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