Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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