I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
