my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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