she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
