My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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