Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

(1-613): View more from Ontario

so what did you do?

(613): View more from Ontario

I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

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(613): I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg (1-613): so what did you do? (613): I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash! http://tfl.nu/b0di

Replies (23) Good night (6358) Bad night (911)
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(847): View more from Illinois

but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear

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(847): but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear http://tfl.nu/o189

Replies (16) Good night (4444) Bad night (660)
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(716): View more from New York

she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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(716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill

Replies (29) Good night (6637) Bad night (1322)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.

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(+44): Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/nkcl

Replies (8) Good night (1100) Bad night (5710)
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(415): View more from California

they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

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(415): they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car.. http://tfl.nu/4cqo

Replies (11) Good night (3423) Bad night (1067)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.

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(515): Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack. http://tfl.nu/7j66

Replies (2) Good night (1846) Bad night (756)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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(575): I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable. http://tfl.nu/vijz

Replies (3) Good night (1518) Bad night (1044)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass

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(336): For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass http://tfl.nu/ljpj

Replies (9) Good night (664) Bad night (1179)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.

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(918): Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE. http://tfl.nu/pg7d

Replies (7) Good night (1220) Bad night (472)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"

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(843): It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?" http://tfl.nu/owjc

Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (528)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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(717): I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop. http://tfl.nu/nm3k

Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (599)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.

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(781): i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops. http://tfl.nu/wb46

Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (285)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...

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(443): Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume... http://tfl.nu/owv3

Replies (7) Good night (687) Bad night (387)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"

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(256): Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision" http://tfl.nu/n4ob

Replies (5) Good night (415) Bad night (793)
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(805): View more from California

Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores

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(805): Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores http://tfl.nu/ya7w

Replies (2) Good night (668) Bad night (292)

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