accomplished twins. life is a go
is wine microwaveable?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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