Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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(646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls

Replies (31) Good night (1162) Bad night (4886)
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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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(847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0

Replies (46) Good night (1906) Bad night (5785)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?

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(919): When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate? http://tfl.nu/ayxt

Replies (24) Good night (832) Bad night (2888)
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(281): View more from Texas

Thanks for getting me home last night.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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(281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp

Replies (29) Good night (9166) Bad night (1156)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

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(337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa

Replies (44) Good night (8444) Bad night (1560)
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(240): View more from Maryland

and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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(240): and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well. http://tfl.nu/nn8d

Replies (12) Good night (3141) Bad night (996)
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(614): View more from Ohio

There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.

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(614): There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out. http://tfl.nu/1cqt

Replies (6) Good night (2436) Bad night (1620)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up

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(952): dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up http://tfl.nu/bpgv

Replies (2) Good night (1957) Bad night (953)
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(620): View more from Kansas

You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.

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(620): You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on. http://tfl.nu/djzq

Replies (10) Good night (3722) Bad night (938)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.

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(202): Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked. http://tfl.nu/s7s6

Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (1236)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.

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(804): Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me. http://tfl.nu/bct9

Replies (4) Good night (1254) Bad night (467)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??

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(586): Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus?? http://tfl.nu/6jql

Replies (5) Good night (1397) Bad night (553)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.

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(307): He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style. http://tfl.nu/qafz

Replies (6) Good night (1179) Bad night (366)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.

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(908): 4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden. http://tfl.nu/r37f

Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (234)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!

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(480): Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year! http://tfl.nu/fksl

Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (1459)

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