I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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