I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
