I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
