There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
