i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
