can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
