So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
