i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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