end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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