this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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