What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
