Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
