OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
