I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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