we're blogging at a bar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
