they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
