Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
