I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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