Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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