I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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