I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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