yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
