he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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