I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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