Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
