I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
