All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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