she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
