I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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