I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
