So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
