Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
