I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the condom got lost in my hair
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
