I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
