was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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