Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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