We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
