sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
