"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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