We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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