My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
