I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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