I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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