Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my liver is dry heaving
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
